hey you....

hey you.... i wonder how are you doing right now.... i wonder how your day went. i hope it went well. i wish i could be telling this to you personally but, but since im unable to.... well one way or another, im sayin it, i hope you had a nice day. there i said it. but its to bad these words are probably never gonna reach you. thats my loss.

its raining right now you... i like rain, i especially like rain during sunny days or what they call "hujan panas" i used to love lying by my window, with the sun shining in my face while rain falls on the roof, againts my windows, i find it thereputic. sadly that doesnt seem to happen much any more. sigh, but yea i like it when it rains, altho i have to admit, i did grow to dislike it for about 5 years when i was in the UK. after my first week there, i found out why the english likes to talk bout the weather so much, coz it can get pretty miserable. hahaha but yeh, well wat to do. but i guess now im back in brunei permanently, i guess, i like rain all over gain. it helps me sooth this pain i have in my heart, at least a little... even a little is better than nothing right?

but unfortunately no matter how long it rains tonite, or more like this morning, it wont wash away the feelings i have for you would it. it pacifys, it sooths but it wont take it away. and i guess i dont want it to be taken away. becoz if the pain getstaken away, then it would me i probably will stop have these feelings for you.... as much as i want to not feel this way for you, i would rather be in pain than to not have... not to feel this way for you. antah hahaha sounds so wierd.

here i am typing aimlessly again, not yet asleep even tho i have other things that i should be focusing on now. thinking of you... damn, even just thinking of you brings a smile to my lips. thats what you do to me you know. you light up my day by just being there. i love your wierdness, i love how you go about your day laughing smiling, being the best fren you can be to your well friends haha. i wish i could just be one of your friends but i find my self being very awkward around you. dont you know. i dont know why. mebbe its becoz you're like some angel that fell from heaven.... hahaha god what am i saying. this sounds ridiculous. hell youd probably laugh out loud mocking me if you ever graced your eyes upon this post. but since thats probably not gonna happen. well whatthe heck right. i hope you stay you. dont let anyone bring you down. dont let any1 change you into something you're not. but thats proabbly needless advice, coz you are you're own person. mebbe its just for me to reassure my self. whoopss i have totally no idea what hte hell im talking about now. hahaha i guess htats why im senseless ehhy....

sigh~~~ why cant i just go and tell you how i feel. why do i hesitate at the treshold only to change my mind at the last moment and just pretend that you mean nothing to me other than another fren. coz it seems you mean alot to me. im not even sure why. ill be honest. when i first saw you, im pretty sure i didnt fall for you at first sight. i dunno mebbe. you were just another new face in UBD. all i was trying to do was to try fit in, get settled make a few frens andstay out of trouble. you slowly became a fren to me. it was well nice you being you. and suddenly blammo(haha cheese i noe and cliche too but wth) i fell for you like a ton of bricks, or ten tonnes of bricks.... just when i thot i found rough diamond that i hoped to polish in to a gleaming shining jewel of a fren, i had to fall for you. i wish it was just a crush, i hoped it wouldnt last for long. but well i noe its not like been years but i still feel the same as the day i realised it. in fact probably even more so than ever before.

jeez, here i am talking to you agian when you dont even read this drivel. haha well whateverlah, mebbe you might somehow find your way here and read this. but then agian, its not like you're gonna realize that im talking to you now issit. so it probably doesnt matter.

anyway wish you good night and sweet dreams. you take care yea......