musings at 4.30 am

Everyone has these thoughts floating about in their mind at some point or other in their life. some only once or twice, others more than that. i guess this would be the second time in my life having thoughts like the one being mentioned in the lyrics seriously. as in not some random bump in the sea of life that u are infatuated with, but someone who refuses to leave that empty shelll i call my brain and also my heart.

I don't know how it happened, why it happened, and why it had to be you. it just is. unfortunately, I, like so many others don't have any control over who we invest our feelings into. be it reciprocated or otherwise. the thought that you don't know how much you mean to me is like "an innocent man being thrown alive into a coffin and nailed shut trying to claw his way out" kind of feeling. am i hyperboling, i probably am, by how much probably not much.

its frustrating that my relationship with you is akin to two ships passing by in the middle of a dark sea. you noe the other is there, but u cant really see each other. not in that way. admiring from a far is something that i seem to be only capable of. i dont dare to take any chances for fear of getting burned. im not proactive in anything i do, much less in matters of the heart. i fear that im just going to leave it like this and never know what could be or what couldnt be. at least if i just got on with it and let it all out, mebbe i can get some closure. but then that would mean either i get a chance or i get blown out of the water. the former of getting a chance means i could fail. but the latter means i have failed. so what am i to do. "get more guts" is what u probably would say. hey if u can show me the way id gladly go do it but thats not gonna happen right~~~

as long as im writing this drivel, i might as mention this. why did it have to be you. couldnt i have fallen for someone who i dont know or dont feel that we could have a friendship that "WOULD" have been cherished. it sucks. it sucks the first time this happen to me with another person whose friendship i cherished, and it sucks even more that it happened again, with you. but you have no idea do you. here i am, with a heavy week of tests and assignments coming up, i writing you drivel that you probably would never read. only the few ppl that bother to come to this poor excuse of a blog would. and they surely would have no idea who im talking about.

but one thing id like to say before i go on to writing some other drivel, i would just like to thank you for the little moments of.... i dont know happiness?? a surge of endorphins?? that i get when i see you smile or laugh that laugh of yours, uninhibited and pure. that cheeky glint in your eye that you get when you're being you laughing, talking, joking, living. thanks. i guess it always makes my day better when i see you smile. but god i wish the end of this drivel didnt sound so stalkerish, coz im not stalking. but hey if i realize it sounds stalker-ish, i can bet you who read this do so might as well mention it lol.

anyway, i hope you enjoy the lyrics, try to get the song coz it well i dont know actually. mebbe it may give u some hope, mebbe a little push for you to just take a plunge and do it the thing that you want to but dare not to. has it worked for me, i dont know yet, come back in a few months and maybe you'll get an answer. and to "YOU" hope u have a good year. sweet dreams and all the best.


"should i give up or should i just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads no where~~"

Adele - Chasing Pavements



I’ve made up my mind
don’t need to think it over
if I’m wrong i am right
don’t need to look no further
this ain’t lust i know
this is love

but if i tell the world
I’ll never say enough
cos it was not said to you
and thats exactly what i need to do
if i end up with you

should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads no where,
or would it be a waste
even if i knew my place should i leave it there.
should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads nowhere

i build myself up
and fly around in circles
waiting as my heart drops
and my back begins to tingle
finally could this be it

or should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads no where,
or would it be a waste
even if i knew my place should i leave it there.
should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads nowhere

should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads nowhere
or would it be a waste
even if i knew my place should i leave it there

should i give up
or should i just keep on
chasing pavements
should i just keep on
chasing pavements

ooooohhh

should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads nowhere,
or would it be a waste
even if i knew my place
should i leave it there

should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads nowhere.